she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
