She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
