nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
