Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
