Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
