she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
thus making me awesome and them whores
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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