...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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