I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
