She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
