Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
