I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
