just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
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My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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