It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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