Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
