He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
