where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
