I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
