Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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