and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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