Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
