do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
