I love watching others lives come down to our level.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
