The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Randomize
