me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
