i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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