That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
it's like heaven, but drunker
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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