hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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