dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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