all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Randomize