Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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