I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
