I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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