Need sex. Gaining weight.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
