i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
