Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
