Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
