you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
