Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
