dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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