I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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