our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
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im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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