At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
