i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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