yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
