GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
