VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
