I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
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the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
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Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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