Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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