I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
