she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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