she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
tell me about the fingering
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
