I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
