Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
