I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
