Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
