I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Let's paint friendship bongs
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
