I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
