I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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