I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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