I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
