And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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