Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
