I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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