I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
