dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
