True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
