no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
