drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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