Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
