There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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