You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
