I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
