It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
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Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize