marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
