Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
