i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
