Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
