My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
