I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
