we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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