Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
