I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
