RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
