There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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