Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
