Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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