Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
