i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
