the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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