you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
