OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
