thus making me awesome and them whores
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
