i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
