We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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