Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
