This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
