It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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